I just got back from a women’s retreat in Peru where we completed a wild white rose dieta. During this experience, I learned how to connect more deeply with my womb and remember the sacredness of my life path and all of the experiences that have led to this version of myself today.
Before leaving on this trip, I had been experiencing a lot of grief around how long it has taken me to become the person I am now. Someone that I can feel proud of.
During one of our sharing circles at the retreat, I expressed this grief and how it sometimes shows up in the ways I diminish my experience by comparing myself to other women. I see women 10 + years younger than me living their embodied feminine, expressing their creative gifts, and flourishing in their relationships.
One of the women in our circle called me out on this comparison pattern, stating that while these other women may be excelling in one area of life that I feel challenged in, there are other areas that my own pain and challenge has forced me to grow and excel in.
Comparison is a dangerous and toxic pattern. It unfairly assumes that I know anything about what it is like to be the other person. It also doesn’t take into account the whole person.
A friend of mine once shared an antidote to comparison is to ask yourself if you would switch places with that person, accepting everything else about them and giving up all of the qualities that make up you, not just taking the one or two things you wish you had. I’ve used this often.
The fact that so many things have not come easy to me because of my own trauma patterns and cultural upbringing has forced me to expand and grow in ways that I would never give up.
The sensitivity of my nature and the trauma that resulted in my nervous system made it feel unsafe to feel the aliveness in my body. Instead, I learned how to process the world through my mind, connecting dots, seeing patterns, and going down deep rabbit holes to understanding consciousness and human nature in general. It's also what brought me into work as a somatic therapist with the recognition that I could no longer feel a sense of wholeness simply from experiencing the world with my mind, but would need to reconnect to the sensations and memories in my body.
This was a long and arduous journey of trauma therapy, quitting substances that numbed me, and learning how to be with the activation that showed up in my body. This was a step that I could not bypass in order to even begin to experience pleasure.
While all of the Tantrikas I felt jealous of were having spiritual, physical, and energetic orgasms, I was learning how to be ok with subtle activation that had the potential to send me into a panic attack.
At 39 years old, I am just starting to experience what great sex actually feels like and explore the various ways that I can deepen into pleasure and intimacy through lenses like the Erotic Blueprints, Tantra, and Sacred Shamanic Sexuality.
I am not your tantra guru, at least not yet, but I do know the traps of a sensitive nervous system, how trauma shows up in the body, and how to work with all of it so that you can cultivate beautiful relationships with others and with yourself.
If you want to make a difference in the world, embrace the wounds that have made you who you are instead of trying to cover up or fix them.
Releasing shame has been a big part of this journey. Coming to accept the parts of me that have struggled with trauma and addiction. Letting go of the fear that comes with rounding the corner to my 40th birth year without having achieved the milestones I was conditioned to believe where necessary for happiness - marriage, family, financial freedom, to name a few. Releasing the grief that it’s taken me so long to discover what it means to be in my divine feminine… and i’m still learning.
Instead of feeling shame and hiding the past, what if we could use challenges of our past as rights of passage into the powerful, creative, and beautiful soul we were meant to become?
I am currently offering free 75 minute coaching sessions as a gift to support anyone who might like to explore how their path might be leading them toward the fullest expression of their gifts and aliveness. There will be no sales pitch or expectation of continued sessions following this call. It is simply an offering of reciprocity from the gifts I was given during my time in Peru.
If you are interested in this or know someone who might be, respond to this email or schedule with me here:
https://MeetwithGenesa.as.me/gift
With Love & Gratitude,
Genesa
